Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Letting It Go

Remember when I wrote this post?
Ohh about 2 months ago.
Totally over it.
That one guy and I just stopped talking, no hurt feelings there and the couple others that maybe had potential went out the window as one travels an ungodly amount and the others?
Ahh, yeah, nope.
There weren't.
Maybe I'm being pick-ier this time around?
Maybe I have the right to be or maybe I'm just still not ready...
I feel like my life has taken a turn where I can make some drastic decisions and my path will be completely new.
I'm trying to figure it all out and it's scary and hard and emotional and there are plenty of days where I want to call into work and just lay around all day, by myself and just pretend like the world isn't continuing to go on without me.
I told my mom the other day I was experiencing a midlife crisis and I'm not even 30.
But my gut tells me that staying in this condo, at this job, isn't enough and isn't what I'm meant to be doing.
I want to make a difference, I want my work to mean something and feel like I'm really contributing.
I want to be challenged and excited for that responsibility.

So maybe it's time to just do something different.
Let it all go and take some leaps to something even better.
I've tried to build a life here and now I'm wondering what that life is supposed to be.
I want to be happy.
Every day.
I want a job that makes me want to get up and push myself even more.
And if I can find someone to share that with; even better!
But, what I don't want is to constantly be 'wanting' and 'waiting'.
That is not going to get me anywhere and it sure isn't going to make me happy.
I've got a lot of thinking to do in the next few months, but maybe this time I'll just take the leap and pray that God will carry me down to a soft, but exciting landing.

You learn a lot about yourself when life throws you a spin and I'd really hate to let all that go out of fear.
There are a lot of things I want to accomplish and I am not one to live a life waiting for a man.
I am strong and stubborn enough to do it alone and if that's what it comes down to, I cannot wait!
I have a lot of life left to live and I sure do not want to waste it wishing for a fairytale.

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