Friday, February 28, 2014

Dreams

I really feel like life is just spinning around me these days.
Like everyone else is just chugging alone and I'm kind of stuck in this in-between.
Eh, it is what it is at this point.
And that's made me not post much of anything, but fluff.

So here is a little bit of what's been going on.
The 35,000 foot view, as I am going to call it.
No need to get down to the nitty gritty, but here is where I'm at.

Work has been insane...for a good 5 months now.
And that means my motivation level has dropped...ironic right?
Doesn't mean I'm not doing what I need to do, but my excitement and morale has really plummeted!
And it's interesting because ever since I got my new boss, I actually started enjoying my job again.
That was October 2012; time has passed.
I still adore my boss, no questions there, that is definitely not the issue.
I've just been feeling so unfulfilled doing what I do.
I get frustrated faster and crabbier when more and more crap gets added to my plate.
Then because of my OCD perfectionist attitude, I want to do the best and if I don't think I can, I procrastinate and then stress ensues and it's not pretty.
I also have a hard time saying no...to anyone.
Therefore, I get dumped with crap that isn't even remotely my job!
Booo..that one is all me and slowly I've pushed those to the right people and been able to say no, more often.


I really, truly thought, for the longest time, that I wanted to  work in a corporate environment, move up the ladder, make a difference, be successful and that was that.
Lately though (really for the past 6 years), I've just wanted more and more to do something that makes me happy. Something I am passionate about and can really succeed in.
I've seriously wanted a business since I was at least 20 years old, but thought about it way before then.
And up till now, it's been a lot little bit of fear holding me back....
I don't want fear to determine my life.

Now that I'm married and looking to a future, it can seem like one of those things that there is never going to be 'the right time' to start.
A sacrifice I may have to make.
It's been a transition enough being married.
And now as we work to strengthen our marriage, buy a house, and think about when the right time for children would be, is all very overwhelming.
And because I am who I am and I like to be in control of things, that means I'll be taking ownership of a lot of that.

The last couple months I've just had this strong desire to really do something different.
Something that I know I can be good at and excel at and succeed at.
I've got a few different ideas and now I just have to gain the support of my husband...and my family, to take that leap.

New experiences and risks are scary. For anyone, so I understand that.
I just never want to look back and 'wish' I would have taken the risk.
I've sacrificed a lot thus far and this is one I'm just not really willing to give up.
It's a dream more than just a want.

It's time to take 'more' control. I've let things roll for a while and I'm ready to really make a change in such a positive way that I can be a better role model to my friends, family, Nevaeh, Matthew and future children.
I don't want to be a down/blah, unhappy/unfulfilled working lady!
Who wants that?
I want to scream to the world what I do and be so excited I can't sleep at night to get up and go to work!!


Stay tuned for some of my ideas, but believe me, not a whole lot of detail will be coming with them.
I'm not here to give others my awesome ideas! :) hehe
Just looking for support and encouragement and relatable lifestyles!

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