Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Perfectionist

So apparently, I am a perfectionist.
Yeah, who knew?!
Eh, I can't lie.
It's not a huge surprise, but apparently perfectionists don't actually do everything perfectly!
GASP!
I mean, studies show that perfectionists actually procrastinate a lot!
GASP (again)
Yeah, this is me.
I've always been a little OCD; like things the way I like them, in their place, organized and well presented.
I like to come across 'put together'.
Now, I am not a 'true' perfectionist in that EVERYTHING has to be perfect.
Or maybe that's the point, right?
I have my messy room.
Kind of like Monica's closet that doesn't get open till like season 8! HA
I'm not that bad, but Nevaeh's room/closet is pretty full of….stuff

I don't like coming across as not knowing or not having all the facts and details.
Then I don't feel like I can do it 'right' and/or perfectly.
I'm stubborn when it comes to that and don't like to be told I'm wrong in a demeaning way.
In fact, I can be pretty stubborn to admit I'm wrong in general, but I'm working on it.

I build ideals in my head of what my life should be, who I should be, who the people around me should be...
it's pretty ridiculous.
I set high expectations that, realistically, will never be met.
And to be honest, rarely are.
Leaving me disappointed for something that never could happen anyway.
Oh yeah, and sometimes I think people are mind readers…meaning they should know what I'm thinking, feeling, needing?!?!
Never gonna happen!
I'm not that bad about this, but Matthew gets the brunt of it lol
I mean he is supposed to know every facial expression, tone, look, etc, right?!?
He takes it like a champ though and rarely calls me crazy!
That might just be a girl trait though...

Now, I'm not sure which kind of perfectionist I am, but pair that with pretty high anxiety and you got a real winner right here!

So I went online and decided to take this test…and my results are below…wowza
Strengths

  • No strengths were detected
Potential Strengths

  • You are not an extreme perfectionist, but do feel the need to live up to certain high expectations
  • You do set standards for yourself - sometimes they are reasonable, other times they may be a bit extreme
  • You feel a need to do well at work, which is fine, but also feel that sometimes, others expect a bit too much of you
  • You feel somewhat pressured to live up to societal standards of perfection
Limitations

  • You feel a lot of pressure to be perfect for your family
  • You set unreasonably high standards for the people you work with
  • You set unreasonable standards for your family to live up to

So, sadly, most of these things are pretty spot on…and it's a growing process of who I am and who I need to be in this life. 
Do you love how no strengths were detected? lol 
Clearly I need some work.

I have always set high expectations and I tend to settle because part of me knows that they, most likely, will never be met. 
This is good and bad. 
Settling is never good and leaves me disappointed, but setting unreasonable expectations can be worse leaving people feeling like they can never do anything right. 

As I have gotten older, I find myself more 'set in my ways'. 
This makes me feel old...
I find myself expecting so much out of people that are already giving a lot, but at the end of the day, what I expect is people to give their all. 
I'm trying to change my mentality that they need to do it a certain way or be a certain way, to just showing the world that they can give the best of themselves in any/all situations. 

It's more of an expectation of being the the best of you. 
No half-assing it.
Use all the qualities God gave you to live this life with full hearts and minds. 

I'm guilty of not doing this, but am hoping that I can take my own advice and stop looking at everybody else, but right in the mirror at myself. 
Look at the expectations I set for myself, my husband, my family, friends, co-workers, etc.

I don't call people out or make them feel bad (at least I sure hope not!! :( ) but I guess I find myself disappointed more often than not for making a mistake at work or not being the person I think society says I should be or thinking my husband can read my mind and know what I want.

It's gonna be tough, but this could be really good for me and those around me ;)

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