Thursday, October 10, 2013

Bugs Love Me

I kid you not.
Seriously.
Stop laughing!
Doesn't matter the species or whether it's a plain 'ole bug or a spider with a bazillion legs; they find me.
And they bite me!
and they LOVE me...
This is NOT a good quality to have.
And for someone who notices details and little creepy crawling things a lot?
Yeah, that just means i know they are around more than anyone else does!
It's kind of a curse!
And my body doesn't love them either.
I don't know if I've explained the weird things that have happened to me or not, but to give a short run around, I tend to get that "6% of the entire population" stuff...
I've had weird bumps, reactions, sicknesses, SHINGLES at the age of 26!...I have no words.

The best is that I'm allergic to mosquitos.
Those little buggers are just plain mean!!!
and because I'm a girl and shower daily and tend to wear, not only a ton of good smelling hair products, but lotions and sprays and detergent.... they love me even more!
Or hate me more.
However you want to look at it.
I've had an eye swollen shut because of those damn boogers and a hand swollen to the size of a giant!
No joke on those...if they had decent cameras, twitter, and instagram back then, I'd have proof.
But you're just going to have to take my word for it. 
I'm good for it!
Don't worry!

So, basically, I find more spiders than I ever want to and I get random bites from things I haven't seen.
Like a few months ago.
Woke up on a Saturday, had my morning coffee and toast, enjoyed some news and reality TV having a nice little Saturday and realized that my shoulder, chest, and stomach were itching like crazy!
You guessed it!
Something bit me.
My first reaction was bed bugs....I've experienced those gross little turds before in Jamaica and it was not pretty!
(my entire face was a feast for them and I'm surprised my parents recognized me when I got off the plane)
Hey, my other choice was the floor with the cockroaches, so I think I made a wise decision snuggling with the bed bugs.
But back to my story.


I ponder how the hell they could be in my bed.
I strip the sheets, go online to figure out ways to see them.
Think back to when I bought my mattress - it's like 5 years old...so NOT that old.
And I start googling a million things.
Find only gross stuff that freaks me out.
Close the computer, share my story with anyone willing to listen (a.k.a. my mom :)) and proceed with my life.
As a few days go by, I realize there is a pattern, but thankfully no more bites, which rules out the bed bugs. WHEW!
Let me explain pattern.
Think about sleeping on your side....and your dreaming about beach waves and fruity drinks, OK?
Now, without you knowing, there is a bug (no one knows what kind) that decides he didn't eat enough dinner and would LOVE a midnight snack!
YOU!
He/she, I'm not sexist here, begins to crawl under your neck and take a few bites.
See if you're the taste that they're salivating for.
DELICIOUS!
Clearly you are mighty tasty and they aren't full.
They figure they'll just begin to crawl over your shoulder, down your chest, across your belly and end up on the other side of you.
Makes sense, right?
I mean, what goes up, must come down!
He/she walks away full and ready for bed.
You wake up from your la la land night like it NEVER EVEN HAPPENED!
But it did...
and now you're scared with the disquisting cooties of a bug.
That you have NO idea where it's living, who it's living with or when it'll be back for MORE!
I ended up going to the immediate care after about 4 days.
Just to see...and he basically said, Yupp it's a bug bite! No idea what kind, but you'll be fine!
Let us know if it gets worse.
Gee thanks doc. Here's $125 for you to tell me, WHAT I ALREADY KNOW!!
Sheesh...could of at least humored me or something.
Given me a pill to keep me alive!
But no! My overdramatic antics did nothing...
FAIL

Now, a few days ago I realized I'd gotten bitten on my upper/inner thigh.
AWESOME!
THEY'RE BAAACCCKKKKK!
Nah, no more of that bug, but SOMETHING else has now bitten me.
I need to move...or clean.
Clearly!
My home has become a sleeping ground for critters!
I always thought I was pretty clean.
I don't like dirt...unless it's playing soccer.
In that case, bring on the mud puddles!

Sorry...little reminiscent moment there.

Back to the bite. It bothered me for a good couple days straight.
Itching like no other!
And because of it's location, you have to be careful when you're itching in front of people, cause it looks wrong.
Just saying...
Cortisone became my best friend for a day or two, but after that, I started noticing this red circle appearing all around it.
(No, it's not ringworm. I've had that too - I have problems)


My skin has become rough around it, but it has stopped itching.
The initial 'bite' site, has subsided, but there is still a bright red dot there.
Now, you're probably thinking GO TO THE DOCTOR WEIRDO!!!
UH, did you not read what I paid for someone to tell me I have a bug bite??
Hello!! Pretty sure this one is a self diagnose...
Hopefully.
I'll let you know if my leg falls off, cause it's possible.
Could be a spider bite in which case Matthew says it will continue to EAT AWAY AT MY FLESH!
He's swell, right?? :)
And super concerned about me losing a limb!!

I'm just giving you fair warning...because it may or may not now become a huge epidemic and don't say I didn't warn you!!

Right after I got ringworm? Everyone was getting ringworm..
Right after shingles? Couldn't watch TV without those damn commercials!
Now with the bug bites? And the stink bugs taking over my condo building?!?!
Yeah...I'm just saying.
I am NOT taking credit  for spreading these things, but it's like a trend.
You know fashion starts in California and makes it's way across the county, well, these weird bites and rashes are starting with me and making it's way to YOU!
I'll be sure to post warning signs and symptoms, just in case.
Now, if you are a hypochondriac, well...I'm sorry. You may not even still be reading because you're probably on the way to the hospital.
For those who are?
You're welcome ;)

2 comments:

Hannah Rupe said...

What is the bite in the last picture from? I have the exact same mark on my arm.

Ashley said...

It's ringworm! No run at all! Easily treated, but sucks!