Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Failure

Something I struggle with a lot.
I worry about failing.
Failing at relationships,
Failing in life,
my work,
career,
being a parent,
or a friend.
The list is endless.
Thing is?
I let that fear control me sometimes. I let it get the best of things.
I've let IT tell me what to do.
There are things I want to do in life, stuff that I'll put off, or words I never said, why? Because I was afraid of the outcome. Afraid that I'd fail at the attempt, that it wouldn't turn out the way I thought it would.
But that seems to all come from assuming that I am going to fail, right?
Like I can predict the future.
THAT would be amazeballs! Sadly, no go. I did not get those jeans.
Maybe in my next life. Although, coming back and haunting people would be way more fun.
I would be all over scaring them and moving stuff lol Hilarious ;)
Sorry, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah, I was getting a bit real....

It gives me crazy anxiety thinking about failing. Along with a lot of other things...
Anxiety is a constant in my life, but fear kind of makes it that much worse.
I am always afraid of messing up and you know what? I'm pretty sure I do it everyday.
And where does it get me? stress.
I guess I'm supposed to just start trying not to think about it?
Try to stop assuming that something is not going to work out, creating the outcome before it has a chance to transform?
Yeah, I don't know that I can do that.

What I want to try is letting go and letting God.
Letting Him help with the outcomes.  Let Him lead me the right way to go. The right things to say, the right path to take.
When to turn and when to continue on.
When to choose an entirely new road.

Where am I going with this? No idea. Ramblings I assume.  There I go again! Assuming away!
Basically, I don't know what to do or how to make it better.
I don't know how to believe in myself more to actually think that I can do it.
I don't know how to believe that I could make that difference, be the one that breaks the mold.
Be successful...change someone's life.

I've got to learn to take that leap of faith and go for it.
Let myself go and just do it.
Why?
Because when am I going to have another chance?
I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Yet,  have a really hard time living more for today. Just letting it be and doing what i need to do and have fun and smile.



I let stress and fear control more of my day-to-day life.

So, help me God. Help me to understand, use, and grow the gifts you've given me.
Because lately, I am lost on what any of those are and i want to find them again.


1 comment:

Jessica ♥ said...

I can really relate to everything you shared. Thanks for posting & being real. I deal with this on a daily basis.