Monday, September 26, 2011

Curious

 I found this in my drafts...guess I wasn't ready to post it? Didn't think it was done? Not sure where I was at, when writing this, but it has a lot of depth...a lot of food for thought...

I don't remember if I was one of those kids that asked a million questions. I assume I was and that I drove my parents nuts with question and question and why and why...lol 

I find myself to be a somewhat curious person.  I don't ask a million questions about random things as much haha, but I do ask a lot of questions about people.

Peoples lives fascinate me. No joke about it. I think it's why I love reality TV so much? I love knowing everything, I genuinely enjoy getting to know those people and see real moments of honestly and trust.

It's probably why I ask so many questions to those that I'm around all the time. It's probably why some of them get annoyed or frustrated lol
I don't do it to be nosy, well, I guess it can come across that way, but I do it to get to know them. I love seeing the raw side of a person. The absolute truth of putting it all out there and saying this is who I am, take it or leave it. Our past and our experiences in life don't have to define us, but they do shape us. Especially how we handle those situations and we let them affect our futures...

I love finding out situations and instances in life that have made people who they are.  A lot of times, without those moments, you could have turned out to be a completely different person.

I always think back and wonder if my parents never moved away from Wisconsin. I would NOT be who I am.  Mainly because I wouldn't have the people in my life now that have truly shaped me. I would have my best friends, my same faith group, etc.  I'd be completely different.
But, I am who I am because of everything in my life. And I love that.
I love that I have traits from both my parents that I can see daily.  I love having a sister and someone to relate and go to for stuff.
I love where I've been, what I've experienced and who has been in and out of my life. 


Yeah, there have been heartaches along the way and things haven't always gone my way, but it's still my life and I'm choosing to not let moments define me and affect me.
I don't want to let things get to me so much that I miss out of life.  I don't want things that maybe I can't control, bring me down.  I don't want to choose dwelling over something I can't change, rather than embracing what's right there.  

It's hard to explain sometimes, but I guess I'm at a point where I'm sick of the negative.  I'm sick of the unchanging of attitudes, the stuck in the past, hard to move forward, woo is me type of mentality. 

Everyone has there good and bad days. Everyone has times where they just want someone to listen, to hear their story, and to say, that sucks, but how can we make it better? Is sitting around complaining about it, really helping you? No, it's making it worse. It's bringing you down...
I want to embrace all life has to offer. I want to be happy and I want the people in my life to know that.

I want people to trust that I"m making decisions with my heart AND my head. That this is right, that this is what I want.  Life is once.  We don't get a second chance to live it over.

I wish more people realized that.  I wish more people really took today and said wow, this great. thank you God for giving me this gift of tomorrow.  Instead of being frustrated or upset over things you can't control.

Now, believe me, I am a total victim of not living this mentality daily, but I'm trying. I'm trying to make a change, trying to live everyday to the fun it can be, but it can be tough. I want to talk to everyone I love everyday, but it doesn't always work out. I want to hear happiness and peace in their voices, but I don't.  I wish understanding was a better trait on people, but it's not.  And that's all ok.  I'm not saying you can't live an imperfect life.  Hell, we do it all day everyday, but it's starting to change your mind to believe that today is today. You may not get tomorrow. 

So, do you want to sulk in your sorrow of no control? Or do you want to let it be, let God control, and embrace the joys of life right in front of you...
Everyone in life has made mistakes.  EVERYONE.  Some of those mistakes, everyone knows about, some you may not even call mistakes.  Take the no regrets road; one of which I love.  Some, everyone knows about and you can't change that...but you can change moving forward and trying to have people see the good.  

I'm a "wear my heart on my sleeve" person. It's easy to tell if I'm happy, frustrated, sad, blah, whatever.  But I don't always let that affect those around me.  I've had a rough few months.  It's had it's ups and downs and I went through a lot emotionally.  

But today, I'm happy.  I've moved forward. I'm not going to let a couple bumps in the road completely affect everything that I love.
I want a happy future and a happy life and I am going to work hard to get that. I think it's what I deserve...

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