Wednesday, May 2, 2012

God Laughs

Ever heard the phrase "Man makes plans; God laughs"?
Well, if you haven't, then go back and read it again.  Slowly.
Man makes plans...
God laughs.
As a Christian woman, I find myself needing to be reminded that it's not always about US.  You thought I was going to say me! lol Yes, I too, need to be reminded that no matter how hard I try and want to put others first, I have my moments of selfishness.
But, back on track, I was/am/don't want to admit to be, one of those girls who had her life planned out.BUT, I did...
True Story.
Go with me here.  I had a seven year plan.  Yupp! I was determined to meet someone, get married and be done having kids by the time I was around 30. 
Welp! I am here to tell you at almost 27, I am no where close to accomplishing that goal. lol and it humbles me a bit to realize that you can't always 'plan' your life.  You try and you know the path you want to be on, but there are those moments that can turn your life completely around, both in good and bad ways. 
I graduated high school, wanting to be 'that girl', meeting someone in college, getting married shortly after, having time together as a couple before trying to have kids and everything goes hunky dory.  
Apparently, I just thought that life was or could be 'perfect'. 
Ha boy was I wrong. And I don't say that in a bad way.  I say that because my life has not turned out at all like I thought, and I'm still happy.
I did meet someone my first couple years of college, but the timing was off.  Definitely in different places in life and that's ok. 
I met someone when I transferred to Louisville and while I thought that is what life should be? I wound up sick and emotionally drained.  I had no voice.  I felt like I had no control over where my life was going. And it seemed as if I was to be a 'trophy wife'.
I think I lost touch with God.
I lost that connection, that relationship.  And I know it was because I was trying to doing all by myself.  All the pieces sort of fit together, but for they were pieces of different puzzles and in the end, the picture was all blurred and fuzzy. 
And to get me out of that mindset, God kind of threw it all in my face.  It happened quickly and within months, I was back to 'me'.  I was getting healthy again, I was laughing again, and best part? I was eating sweets and desserts again! My weakness and love in this world! lol 
I really started to try and live the path that felt right.  
I was able to get out on my own.  Build a life for me, buy a home, a dog, managing one job instead of 3-4, and just learning who I was and what I enjoyed out of life.
I still find out new things all the time and I hope that never stops.
It took a couple years to really be able to open up and let people in again.  New and old.
While my friends and family thought I was ready to be in a relationship again? It just didn't feel right.
But when the time was right? well, it's lasted almost two years.
Yes, it's had it's ups and downs.  No relationship is perfect by any means and in no way have any of mine been, but there is that person who you fight for.  Who whether you could fight all night or are ready to give up, you do both...because in your heard and your mind, it's exactly where God wants you to be.
I'll be honest in saying after meeting Matthew, I saw marriage not too far off.  And by now, I would have thought we'd be in a different place.  But, yet again, I am sure God is hysterically laughing up there. 
Maybe that was all the funky weather has been the past 8 months! Sorry about that :)
But, it hasn't gone 'like I thought', keyword being 'I'.  I've, yet again, learned a lot about myself and what I want out of life and I truly hope that I've been able to teach Matthew a thing or two about life...
Opportunities are thrown at us everyday.  Everyday.  And it's whether we choose to seize those opportunities or not that can make or break who we are and define us, in a way. 
I will be completely honest in saying that I wanted to be that 'princess'.  I wanted that picture perfect life you see in movies, where nothing really goes wrong, and fights are resolved and over in minutes and somehow there is always time for, well, everything.  And making everyone happy.
It's a fairy tale.  And that's exactly what it is.  Real life poses challenges, good and bad, and it's how you react to those things that can make or break you. 
I think I'm humbled in a way now, that I find out more and more, it is not about me and I've got to stop trying to help God with my plans.
He made me 'me' for a reason and I'm just trying to find what that is.
I struggle with that a lot sometimes.  I want to seize the moments.  Enjoy the time I have with the people and things that I love.  Put everything into and it and sleep when I'm dead.
But, that doesn't mean I still don't have my days.
So, I'm trying to pray more.
I'm trying to talk more.
I'm trying to let God do the planning and help open my heart fully.
I'm trying to stop 'planning' and just start enjoying.

1 comment:

Mama and her boys said...

I am such a planner that I have a hard time excepting when things don't go according to my plan. I get so frustrated sometimes and then I always thank God later for having a better plan for me. I have a hard time letting go and leaving it all in his hands.