Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Complicated

I think some people believe I'm this really complicated person; that it's tough to figure me out. But really?? I think I'm pretty simple. It honestly doesn't take much to please me, and I don't always expect perfection. For myself, yeah sometimes I know I do, but I set high expectations for me. I think I've tried to do that for others, but you can't always change people, unless they are willing, of course...

I try not to expect so much. I used to do that and always wound up frustrated...I am trying to roll with the punches, and just be me.  If people get mad or frustrated at me? Well, they either need to say it, or let it go...I hate the silent  treatments and tension in the air.  I'm not an intentional person when it comes to other people feelings.  I don't want to make you mad or upset, frustrated, hurt, or angry.  Sometimes I have no idea what I've done to make you feel that way.  I'll say things that probably don't always come out the way I want. Every once in a while I get frustrated with myself, too! I odn't always know how to please everyone and sometimes, I'm just having a bad day...

I've dreampt of this perfect life; then wake up in reality. It's not always perfect, but that is what makes it perfect. You won't always like everyone that comes into your life. So why stress and worry about that, right??  I mean, we only have this one time to do things.  This one life to live it up.  Try new things, make mistakes, fall in love, be successful, etc.  If I'm happy, why change it, right? Yeah, there are things that everyone wants to change.  About their life, who they are, anything...so work on those changes, but only if they are truly going to make you happier.  Why waste the time and energy on something, if it's only going to bring you heartache or frustration? 

I've had my moments of "Oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself into???"...I've gone through every emotion possible in a relationship.  I've said things I know I didn't mean, I've told people worries and doubts, but I've also thought long and hard about why God has brought certain people into my life.  I've gone through ups and downs and knots fill my stomach, sleepless nights, and endless worry about a future and happiness..

I can be weird and go through spirts in my life where I am really quiet.  I can go days not talking to a whole lot of people or just shooting a text or quick 5 minute phone conversation.  Not because I'm mad or upset or trying to be distant, but sometimes this girl just doesn't have much to say about anything (I know, you can stop laughing now...I just said this girl doesn't have much to say.  Funny, funny).  I have days where nothing exciting happens; at least nothing worth talking about.  Sometimes I'll go days just rolling through the motions of work and life, with not a whole lot to express.  Then I go through days and weeks where I can't seem to honestly find a breath where everything is really going on. LOL

I think sometimes, people might get the wrong impression with that.  I'm an independent person.  I like doing things on my own.  I'm also a very quiet, like to be by myself person too.  I get this from my mom.  We are more alike than we think and sometimes that's good cause we understand each other, and sometimes I feel like it makes us more distant for some reason...like we don't talk a whole lot, but it's not because we don't want to, it's just cause we don't need to or just want time to ourselves.  Moments of peace...but knowing if we needed each other we would be there.

I don't need a lot.  I know my closets are full of clothes, handbags, and shoes...I change my decorations and styles daily, and I have enough food in my fridge and pantry to feed 4 kids, but in reality, it's just cause I can, I guess.  I like changing things up.  I like having variety of things and options to choose from. I like being prepared. I like making my home feel, well, homey.  I don't do it for everyone else. I do it for me. I do it cause it makes me feel better.  It makes me feel more comfortable and it makes me see myself succeeding in life.  I don't need anyone else to do it, I'm doing it for me and my future family...and I love every minute of it.

I DVR shoes I've never heard of, just to watch something different. I'll watch News shows just to figure out what I've missed the last few days...I procrastinate like it's nobodies business and I eat like a freakin horse ALL day long...

I need routine in my life, but I also need change.  I paint my nails like every other day and I can't seem to wear the same hair style two days in a row...

It's just who I am...

No comments: